She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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