i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize