my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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