I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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