my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
