Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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