that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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