I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
