It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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