It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
