Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
