I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
