It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the day after is always just damage control
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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