Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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