Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
