people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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