I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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