Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize