Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
