everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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