first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
false alarm, still single
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
