i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
