So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
