YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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