Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
