Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
