I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
