The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
how does that bad decision feel?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
