Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
