Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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