your parents love me but you hate me
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
