I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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