Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
