So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
