Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
