pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
this will be a night to untag.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
