Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
