the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
