so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
