Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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