You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
