So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
