I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
