There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
