Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
