That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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