I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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