Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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