tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
