don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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