You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
