I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
His nipple licking is glorious
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