SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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