I hope mine doesn't look like that
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
