I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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