that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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