naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
