here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
