oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Randomize