Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
