....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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