Your dad touched me again.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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