three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
