Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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