he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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