Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
