You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
