haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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