Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize