just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
