Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize