First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize