you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
