please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
