i'm signing you up for texting rehab
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
