Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
