I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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