Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
