i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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