my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I forgot how hot balto sounded
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
