There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize