I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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