I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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