It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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