I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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