just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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