My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
