DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
