i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
