I'm laying in your front yard are you home
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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