Pants 0. Shit 1.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
