He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
