just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
