You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
