shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i came on her dog
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
