Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
