I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
