don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
