i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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