It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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